Vanished
by hispaleskin
Summary: You were killed the fire. They say you're gone, that I even went to your funeral and cried and everything. Yet here you are. Standing in front of me, pale skin, short hair, brown eyes and all. I don't believe them. You are too real, too close to me to allow me to deny your existence. You didn't die. You simply vanished. Now you're back. Tell me how can I deny that?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1-

"Hey swan bitch!" That's your voice. It's loud. It's obnoxious. Worst of all it's irritating. I don't care though. I think you're adorable. You' a degrading, sassy little thing, but it's you and I like you. By now I'm far too used to your insults. 'Swan bitch.' is your favorite; mine as well.

You couldn't give less of a shit who was watching you as you skip over to me and wrap your arms around my neck. "Good morning to you too." I laugh. You giggle along. Your hair is short and spiky. You did that last month. I'm still getting used to it. You said something about wanting a fresh start. This is our junior year. We're too old for the same childish bullshit. You skin is pale white and soft to the touch. Like a baby's, but also no. Not even a newborn's skin could compare to yours. It's much softer. Your eyes are big and brown like they always are when you were excited about something. That was often by the way. You are always happy on the outside. I knew better though. Sometimes you let me hold you while you cried, other times you use me as a punching bag. Not that I really cared though.

Today your dressed in your cheer uniform. It's a skirt to short for the cold weather of forks, Washington and a shirt with the school name 'Spartans' in bold golden letters going across your little chest. Your breast aren't as big as the other cheerleaders, but still I prefer them.

"My place." you words ghost over my lips, hinting that you have something more than usual planned. "Tonight. Seven. Make sure your ass is there. Don't make me have to drag you there. _I want to see you_..." Our relationship is a little complicated. We're friends, but we're more than that sometimes. I used to think you used me for your own personal sex toy but you said: 'Don't be silly Swan. Of course I am...' Your harsh words somehow comforted me and made my worry go away.

I think we love each other, at least I know that I love you. I love you a lot. But I'd never admit that. You used to tease me for being gay, but then kick Stanley's ass when she wanted to fuck with me about it as well. I knew I'd like you then.

If you love me too you've never said it so I can't be sure...

"This is the last night before basketball season starts. You know you aren't suppose to have sex during basketball season right?" I laugh at the image of tiny 4'11 you dribbling a basketball around a bunch of six foot tall boys.

I know you'd probably win, hell you've kicked your brother's ass before, but still it's funny to think.

"Alice you don't even play basketball." I say.

"Yes. Yes. I know. But Jasper plays basketball. You know how he gets. He won't fuck me tonight. Or any other night. He's so much like you. Except you Swan Bitch, You aren't a virgin prude- anymore." I roll my eyes. You're 'dating' Jasper. Jasper my big headed older brother. I doubt we're even related at all. he's blonde and I'm a brunette. Mom's redhead and dad's hair is brown like mine. Where the hell did he come from? He's a senior now. He has some fucked up loser notion about 'waiting til marriage.' You rolled your eyes and fucked me instead; saying you'd be damned if you don't live a little before you sign a contact saying you agree live the rest of your days in hell with some shitty guy.

"O-ok." I blush like I always did when you brought up Jasper. I hated talking about him. I feel like I'm betraying my brother sometimes. Hell, Sometimes I am. But fuck, I wanted you first. But, no. Jasper with his golden blonde locks had to steal you away before I got the chance.

"Good then. I'll see your ass at my place at 6:30-"

"You said seven."

"I changed my mind. I want you at my place by 6:00." I rolled my eyes. This was so like you. "Oh and swan bitch?" You lean up and kiss my lips. It's not long enough to raise suspicion but it gives me a good taste of you and I like that. "Give that to your brother for me. Tell him my pussy tastes much better though." Then you giggle and take off.

Sometimes I think you do that because you know that I hate talking about Jasper with you and you want to tease me. It isn't right what we're doing to my brother. Even though I hate him, I still love him. You belong to him, not me. No matter how much I hoped you would, you just simply won't ever belong to me. With a sigh I turn my back and start to go to art class.

I like to think I live a good life. I know it probably sucks, but it has you in it and that's enough.

* * *

"Rents due." I say grabbing an apple out if the kitchen then race around to raid the fridge like I always did after school.

"I know. I know." Mom's voice is raspy and rough. The affects of smoking of course. You can see in her face she was once a beautiful girl- once. back then she was probably much younger. Much more lively. Her red hair was probably longer and her eye brighter. The wrinkle lines would be missing from her face and her body would be tighter and missing flabby skin. Sometimes I wonder if that will happen to me as well. Then I get scared and shake off the thought. I wonder if you would still like me then as well...if you likes me now.

"There is nothing in there." She goes on before I can open the door. I sigh and let my fingers drop. There is never any food. All the money we make goes toward the rent and other necessitates. Food, sometimes has to be dropped from that list.

Mom and Dad got divorced years ago. He took his son and mom took her daughter. Dad got the house and Mom got a shitty one bed room apartment. Dad got most of the little they had saved in the bank- because he got Jasper and he fucker has 'medical issues'(If you call spazing out randomly medical related. The boy is a weird.) And Mom got a couple hundreds and a pat on the back.

Dad got it good though. Everyone showed him sympathy when they got divorced and scowled my mother because she was the one who cheated. Ha. Like That was her fault. What else was she suppose to do? Dad was an asshole sometimes.

I can't blame her for having wanted to get away a couple nights.

Dad has a good job as chief of police and Mom...

Mom works as a stripper sometimes.

I don't like to think about it.

"I'm sorry baby..." She says pouting. I shrug. I know she is sorry. She really really is. There is nothing she can do. I don't blame her for that.

"It Okay Mom." I say. "I'll eat at Alice's house."

She raises a suspicious eyebrow at me. Mom doesn't like you too much. Something about that time you made us jump off the la push cliffs and I hit my head on the way down.

"Don't even start. Alice is my friend. I like her." I say then leave the room before she can start to complain about you. Mom was nice enough to give me the bed room while she slept on the pull out bed in the living room. At first I didn't like it too much, but then when she started to take her clients home. It grew on me.

I didn't want to see the faces of the men she did stuff with in fear I might know them.

"I run to the middle and push up the loose floor board. I keep money there and some pictures of you as well. Only the nude ones you gave me for my birthday though. The ones you made me promise not to show any one.

The money comes from tips I made while working. I know we can use the money around the house, but Mom is too humble to take it from me and plus I'm a teenager too. There are things I want that she won't ever be able to get for me.

I grab fifty- which is most of it and shove in in my coat pocket.

"Be careful. And don't stay out too late." I nod, though I know Mom doesn't really care as much as she makes it seem. She'll probably be out working before she can make sure I'm in bed anyways so why follow the rules no one checks on?

"And if you're going to fuck use a condom. I can't afford another kid Bella." I cringe and race back out the house.

* * *

I hate buying this stuff. I always feel sorta like a criminal when I do. We meet the dealers in a ally and It's kind of dark because of rain clouds and its just really quiet around this part of town. To make matters worse I had to walk here. Like my life didn't suck enough I didn't own a car.

Imagine if the police were to come. I can barely walk, how am i going run my ass away?

It doesn't matter. I sigh. You love this stuff and though I hate you for it, you've gotten me into liking it as well.

"How much can 25 get me?" I ask. I decided not to spend all of my cash on weed. Though I love the stuff and i know you would love to smoke all night night i just couldn't. I worked too hard for the money to just waste it all on weed.

"You smoke white girl?" Mike newton is a prude. He has the most innocent looking baby face and the deepest blue eyes. Not to mention a head of golden hair to die for. However he is a major asshole. Most of the time I just wanted to punch him the fuck out.

You admitted to me once that you fucked him. That made me hate him even more. The thought of baby face's dick in you is repulsive. It was behind his father's hardware store at night. You said you were drinking and he was starting to look real good. I bet he came in within a second of entering your tight little pussy. I bet the fucker can't hold it long enough to satisfy you like I can.

"No bullshit Mike. How much can I get?" I glare he grins.

"bout this much." He holds up a median sized baggie filled with the good good. "But I'll throw in another if..." He eyes fill with mischief and he wiggles his eyebrows at me.

"I'm not blowing you mike." His smile drops.

"Fine. But show me your tits and I'll give not one but two more for free." I groan. Asshole.

"Come on white girl. You wanna get high all night don't you?" I feel like kicking him in his balls right now.

"Mike you're white too..."

He shrugs. "Yeah but you're whiter than me. you gonna show me them tits or not?" he holds up the three bags suggestively and wiggles his eyebrows again.

I give him the finger and roll up my shirt. The cold is stinging but I stay like that for a good thirty seconds before pulling down my blouse and grabbing the weed out his hand.

"haha!" He laughs as I throw the money in his face. "I knew you were a slut. Like mother like daughter right?"

I roll my eyes. "Goodbye Mike."

* * *

"You're late." You growl at me by the door. "I said 5:30. It's six."

I grin and push pass you because my ass is cold and I know you aren't actually mad. "Who's home?" I ask.

You shrug. "My brother. Emmett is upstairs fucking Rosalie though. So for the most part we are here alone. Mom and Dad won't be back until early tomorrow so it's just us baby." Your mom and Dad both work at the hospital. Your family is fairly wealthy. It's the kinda wealth I wish I had. you live in a three story house. It mostly made out of glass so it's really bright in here during the sunny days. the rooms adapt perfectly to the weather outside.

You giggle and get up on your tip-toe. You wrap you arms around my neck and pull my lips to yours.

Mmm. You taste like cherries. Your lips are soft and demanding. "I've missed you." You moan pulling me down into the sofa and taking my jacket off. Once it's gone you fondle my breast under my shirt. "Open your mouth." You command. I do and you stick your tongue in my throat, making me moan long and deep. After a while you move.

You pull up my shirt and kiss my breast through my bra and squeeze them a little. You don't get anywhere though. No, A laugh interrupts us.

Standing right there watching us is none other but bare ass Emmett with a grin as big as his head on his face.

* * *

**So, Idk when I'm going to get to update this again.  
**

**But follow if you like. **

**I'm still iffy about it. **

**Let me know what you think. **

**Hugs. Kisses. **

**Till next time **

***Drives away* **


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2-

"Can I join?" He asks wiggling is eyebrows.

"Emmett. You dumb-ass. Get _out!_" you screech throwing yourself off me and at him. Instead of going for him you stop short.

"Going to attack a naked man midget? Wow. I knew you don't really give a fuck but goddamn you just have no limits now do you?" He asks. You hit his chest instead of tackling him like I know you want to do. The huge boulder excuse for a man doesn't even feel it and just pushes pass you to sit next to me.

"Sup B." He says with a grin. 'B' was your last nickname for me. it stood for 'Bitch.' not 'Bella.' like your parents thought. We used to get a laugh out of it because pretty soon your mom started calling me it as well. Esme is a smart woman, of course she figured it out. Then you got grounded and I couldn't see you for a week.

You're mother said: 'I'm not grounding you for swearing. I'm grounding you for making a fool of me. Dammit Ali. I called her that in public.' Still it was pretty funny. Thank god she was nice and only gave you a week. We were sneaking smokes in the back of your car again in no time.

Emmett is big. When I say big, I mean...he walks into a room and suddenly you feel crowded type big. Then, like you, he's loud. Very loud. Whispers are nonexistent to this boy. All you Brandon have the same 'I don't really give a fuck' attitude. Emmett showed it off the best.

He will have sex in front of his parents they way we breathe. I've seen his dick more times than I'd like to say.

Does that mean we've fucked?

Well...

Define 'fuck'.

Emmett and I's relationship was also complicated. Like everything else involving your family was. We didn't exactly do it but we came close enough. But Rosalie, no. I've straight up fucked her.

Bended her over. Tongued her down. Fingered her. Whatever you can name. Rosalie and I have done it.

She's a blonde. She's tall, she's curvy, she's not fat but thick. You're a stick next to the woman. You know? She kind of looks like Emmett found her in the pages of a Victoria secret catalog one day while masturbating. Damn the girl is gorgeous. Then her boobs are so big. If I tripped, fell, landed in-between them and died. I'd die a happy woman.

Emmett, Rosalie and I have all hooked up a couple times. Those times you weren't around. I don't exactly remember what it is you were doing as to why I couldn't fuck you instead.

I just remember, getting hammered, making out with Rosalie and BOOM. We were fucking. I've blown Emmett. That doesn't count as a fuck in book. Usually he wouldn't touch me any more than that. He'd just watch. Take pictures sometimes and -

Wow. Don't let me reproduce. I have no good stories to tell my children.

"Sup." I reply with a blush. We've told you, out of respect. You were Jasper's girl, but I was your girl(At times) and Emmett and Rosalie...well that was kind of like stealing in your book. As revenge you made Rosalie and I let you watch. You sat with a smug grin on your face the entire time Alice. Like really. You never touched yourself or reached out to touch us. No, you just at there, grinning.

Later that night you burned me with a cigarette as a further punishment and didn't stop until I screamed on top of my lungs I wouldn't do it again.

"Emmie." Rosalie's voice is sickly sweet, like it is when she wants something. Naked her comes trotting down the stairs red eyed, lazy grin, fucked up hair and all. "I'm waiting."

Emmett's smile widens. "Look who's here Rosie. It's B."

"OoOoOoOoO." She says, just noticing me. I blush deeper and give her a two finger salute as a 'hello.' "Midget." She whistles at you like a your a dog. "You sharing?"

You shoot her the most evil glare and making masturbating movements with you hand near your crotch. "Suck it Rosalie."

Emmett laughs and pats his lap. "Right here Rosie. Let the midget be the _little _bitch she is."

"Really? That wasn't even clever." He sticks his tongue out to you and grabs Rosalie by the waist and sits her in his lap as soon and she's close enough.

"Hiii." Rosalie leans over and whispers to me. She smells like the perfect mixture of weed and alcohol. She giggles and pulls my chin up to kiss me before you can stop her.

I hear you groan. "STOP IT!" There's a whacking sound. "STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT. Emmett make them stop." Another whacking sound. Then it's followed by a sharp pain.

I pull away from Rosalie quickly. You're glaring at me with angry tears in your eyes. For such a strong girl, you cry a lot. I think you're afraid. Though I'll never say that to you. I think you're scared, of being hurt of course. But I'd never hurt you. Not purposely of course. Funny how that's what you're afraid of but you do it to Jasper like it comes naturally. I try to smile it off but you give me the finger and storm off.

"Get over it." Rosalie calls to you. "B. loves us. _**ALL** _of us."

"Whatever." You call back.

"Don't follow her." Emmett says. "She'll be back after she shoots herself in the head a couple times."

I sigh. A second later Rosalie groans and the two are fucking beside me. You know how I know I love you?

Because when there is a porno featuring the queen of sexy being filmed beside me and I put my hand in my head just so I won't look because it makes you happy...

It's love.

As promised you're back a second later with a favorite pink bong in your hand. You throw it violently in my lap and stiff then rampage through my pockets.

"Where is it?" You say in a teary voice.

"The hidden one... on the inside." I say. it isn't really a pocket. It's the space between by pocket and my jacket but I like to keep things there.

You pout pulling out the three bags of weed I bought. Then you sit on the floor facing me and begin to set everything up.

"Don't kiss Rosalie." You mumble wiping your tears. "Ever."

"Ok. Do you want me to help you or..."

"If you touch my bong I will murder you in your sleep." I smile because because I believe you. I have no doubt in my mind you will sneak into my room in the middle of the night and hold my pillow over my head until I stop kicking. Then, you'd probably cry about it over a tub of Ben and Jerry's cookie dough Ice cream- because that's just you.

An hour later, you and I were half naked, high as fuck and munching on five boxes of pizza. I don't know why weed makes you hungry, it just does. All four of us were bunched up on the couch watching Disney movies like 'real kids.'

"A whole neeeew woooorld." Emmett sang off key. Rosalie laughs but you glare at him. "A dazzling place i NEVER knew."

"Don't fucking ruin the movie bitch ass." You swear taking you're eyes off your blunt for just a second.

"You ain't even watching bitch." Emmett cusses right back. You two begin to argue. Rosalie ignores you two and flings her self from Emmett's lap and into mine.

"Would you fuck Aladdin?" She asks curiously.

"Huh?"

"Oh. Oh no. Not Aladdin. Jasmin. Yeah. Jasmine. Would you fuck her?" She giggles and places my arms around her waist and draws herself closer to me.

"I don't think so." I grin. She leans forward and places her forehead to mine.

"Why? She not hot enough for you? Picky ass Bitch."

"I'm not picky." I say trying to avoid all eye contact with her boobs, but that's really hard because they're right there and she's so close and-

"Yes you are. Like OK. I'll prove it. Which one?" She says sticking her chest out for me then forces my head down to look at them, i catch a glimpse before I can close my eyes and dammit now I can't look away. They're so big and perky and..."Well?"

"I...ahh..."

"Here..." She looks directly at you while doing this part. Slowly she removes my hands from around her hips- which are now numb as fuck by the way- and places them right on top her of her boobs. "There. Nice right? Here rub them." She smiles at you and tightens my hands around her breast and rubs them very slowly around in circles.

"Ahh..." I can feel her getting wetter against my thigh and- "Ahh...um. They both feel nice.(?)"

"Really? Here try this." She takes turns weighing them in each hand then goes back to rubbing. You sat looking you were ready to cry again, the blunt in your hand completely forgotten. Rosalie seems satisfied then looks away to look back at me. She puts her forehead back to mine and allows her hair to hide our faces. "Wanna eat me out tonight?"

"No thanks. I'm full." I squeak.

"Oh. Poor Alice then. She won't be getting any tonight either then."

"Ah." She grins.

"Are you sure?" Messing with you has always been a family favorite of the Brandons. Even though your Mom will deny it to her grave she does it and has just as much with it as everyone else. As for your Dad. Well...he was the one who started this.

She removes one of my hands from her breast and puts it down to her wetness. "Fine. Finger me then." I can't help it. I dip my fingers deep inside her. My own wetness start in my panties and then-

"Try not to drool at least dammit." You cry. You're eyes are a little redder from tears and you voice is a bit rough. It only took the one second I looked away for your face to become soaked with tears and all red from frustration.

"Oh come on." Rosalie groans against me. "It's not like you'd do it for the girl. Not right here at least. Ah, God, baby. Right there..." Rosalie begins to rock her hips against my palm for more and groans.

"I would." You argue. "I so would."

Rosalie laughs and shakes her head. "Learn to share Alice."

Without a second thought you throw the half finished blunt at Emmett's face and pull Rosalie off me, replacing her for yourself.

You kiss me fiercely and dig you hand in my underwear.

"ha." Emmett laugh. "That's so dirty Alice. Think about it. You fuck B. B fucked Rose. Rose fucks me. In away you're fucking my leftovers Alice." You pause on top of me a give me the most evil glare I've ever seen.

"Get in the shower. NOW." You roll off me and kick me until I get up.

"Clean up." I tell you three. "God knows Esme will have fit if her house smiles like cock and smokes when she gets here." I cringe, not wanting to go through that again.

She's had taken turns hitting all of us with her wooden spoon. By the end of the night our asses were red but we were still laughing about it.

"So we should slave while you have fun washing off in the shower?" Rosalie glares.

I shrug. "Pretty much. Yeah."  
"Get your ass out before I kill it." She says throwing and empty pizza box at me.

I giggle and run upstairs to the showers.

You guys are pretty wealthy. I think that's another reason why my mom hates you. She doesn't like it. Why should you guys be OK while we suffered? She doesn't want me hanging out with people outside my class and you guys, well, you can't even see us from how far up there you are.

That's also why we probably wouldn't work. Money would be an issue at some point. I didn't have it and you were rolling in it.I don't like the thought of you doing everything for me.

Sighing I pull off whatever remaining clothes I had on and hop in the shower, turning the water on as hot as possible. I know Mom won't care if I go home smelling like weed but I like to pretend she would.

"Shower sex?" I say aloud knowing you're spying.

I hear you giggle. "Can I bring a toy?"

I raise an eyebrow and pull aside the curtain to see what you're talking about. I hope it's a sex toy but no, instead it's a barbie doll with blonde hair like silk you're playing with between your hands. "I found her in my room. I think I called her ruby or some shit like that? Not the point. Can i bring her?"

I shrug. "Whatever." Smiling you bring yourself and the stupid dolling into the shower with me.

A second later she is forgotten and on the floor, possibly forcing her way down the drain as we make out.

"I really don't like you touching Rosalie." You say in between kiss.

"I know." You pout and move your kisses to my boobs. They're a bit bigger than yours but not as big as Rosalie's. I dunno. I'm comfortable with them.

"Then why the fuck do you do it Swan bitch?" You pinch my nipples to make them harder, once they are you put your lips around them and suck.

"I don't know. Ow. Fuck Alice." I say when you bite me.

"Wrong answer."

"I'm serious. She's just...I dunno. Hard to resist sometimes. You know, I don't have a lot of girls throwing themselves at me. It nice to feel noticed." You pause and glare up at me. I groan. Wrong choice of words.

"I noticed you. Hell, I noticed you first. What? Does Rosalie _notice _you better?" I roll my eyes at that one.

"Yeah, but not how I want to be noticed." You stop and straighten up to glare at me better.

"The fuck does that mean? Do not word play me Swan. You know I'm bad at that." I sigh and slump against the wall. Will we ever just put everything aside and just fuck tonight? I doubt it.

"Alice, beautiful. Lets not forget...You're with my brother. Jasper. Does that name ring a bell? Yeah. It should. You don't 'notice' me the same way when he's around. You're just fucking around with me. I doubt you even really like me. Not the way I like you at least." You frown and fold your arms across your chest.

"I, for one, thought we agreed to no strings attached." I nearly explode then. I grumble and grab your shoulders. I want to shake you or something.

"Then why do you cry when I kiss Rosalie?" You shrug me off and turn your back to me, ready to get out of the shower.

This was you too. You never finish a fight with me. You always just walk away then pretend it never happened the next day. While it make work for you, it doesn't necessarily make the problem go way. It's like spilling grape juice on a white sofa. Instead of getting the damn bleach and cleaning supplies you cover it up with a blanket and sit on it.

"Do not just walk away Alice. I seriously want to know why. If you're allowed to fuck Jasper then why aren't I allowed to fuck Rosalie or any other girl for that matter. We aren't dating or anything like that, so what's the problem?" I grab you hand to turn you around. You frown at me.

"Rosalie has a boyfriend."

"As do you."

Then...the tears. I let you go and grip my hair. When that's not enough I go back under the hot water hoping that can help ease how frustrated I feel right now.

"What do you want me to do? Break up with him?"

"YES. Why the fuck not? Then we can be together and you can have a legit reason for being pissed off when I fuck Rosalie." I half yell.

I shove me backward making me hit my back on the knobs. Great. that's going to bruise.

"I'm not dumping Jasper." I glare, playing off my pain just so you don't feel bad about hurting me.

"You love him?"

"Maybe..." I shove you out of the shower completely and pull the curtain allowing it to be a barrier between us.

"Fucking bitch." I mumble. Then a little louder: "What the fuck is there to love about Jasper? He's Jasper. Plain and simple. What does he give you that I can't? Fuck you. Fuck Jasper. Fuck this."

You scoff and stomp away. Next you slam the door shut. I slide down the wall and bury my face in my hands.

Sex is never- and I mean _**NEVER**_- no strings attached.

Feeling always get in the way.

* * *

I barrow clothes from Rosalie instead of asking you, because really. I don't want to see your face at the moment.

'Love' Please. How can you love Jasper?

Jasper...over me. Really.

"It's complicated." Rosalie says.

"What?"

"You're taking out loud. I'm telling you. The whole Jasper thing...it's complicated. I'll explain it to one day kid." I roll my eyes.

"One year doesn't make you all wise and ever knowing Rosalie."

"It does in my book. Just trust me alright. It's complicated."

I shrug and give her a kiss just to piss you off and then leave. You're in the the living room with Emmett. Surprisingly the boy cleans up good. The house smells like cookies now instead of weed. And to not look like you only just sprayed air freshener, there is a bunch of cookies in the cake jar, enough though that's probably just chips ahoy from the box.

Your eyes are red and you're wearing the over-sized sweater with the Spartans sign on it. I curse. That's jasper's.

"Night." I call to no one in particular and give my two finger salute.

"Night B." Emmett says with a grin. You sniff.

"No good night kiss?" I shrug.

"Get one from Jasper why not?"

* * *

**Well. **

**Hope you liked. **

**Till next time **

**hugs. kisses. **

***Drives off.* **


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3-

I rush into my small ass apartment and slam the door behind me. Surprisingly it isn't enough to wake Mom who is passed out on the shitty ass sofa with a few empty bottles of beer on the floor beside her. I roll my eyes. I kind of want to slap her. here we are, struggling to pay rent yet she finds money to waste on beer.

I huff. I suppose I'm not much better but hell she's the adult here. I have every right to be dumb and idiotic. What reason did she have?

I run my hand through my hair and slump against the door. I hate this part of me. Whenever I'm angry I take it out on the closest person next to me. I'm not pissed at mom. Of course she had reason to want to drink away her pain. I'm pissed at you.

Fucking you and your short ass, big eyed, bossy self. I swear you're such a bitch sometimes. I mean seriously, What does Jasper have that I don't? Is it the hair? Well I am fucking sorry my hair isn't shaggy and blonde and stupid. Oh, no. Maybe it's a cock. But Ha. It's not like he uses it anyways. Mr. Wait-till-marriage won't fuck you and even if he did, would he fuck you like I fuck you? I doubt it.

Seriously, Jasper and I were equal. No. Fuck equality. I'm better than he is. I'm better and you know it. So what the fuck Alice? Why him?

I swear this topic alone makes me want to tug on my hair and don't stop until I pull it all out.

I get up run to my room. If I argue with myself it won't end well. I know that. How fucked up. I can't win an argument against myself and I can't win against you. Life is just shitty for B. isn't it.

I bury my head in my pillow and let the tears flow. Sadly this is life and really doesn't get much better this. Why do we lust after what we can't have? It's like a fucking did I do to deserve this?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

OK, so maybe I tortured Jasper some when we were kids but that's what little sisters are for right? I swear if I knew this what I get as payback I would find some way to travel back in time and change it all.

And maybe I am a bitch sometimes but who the fuck isn't.

I don't bother to take off my clothes or my shoes or anything. I just curl up into a ball and let it out. Crying is good right? I never used to do it until I met you. Back then I had other ways of dealing with shit. You did this to me. Before you I could go through shit without a single tear.

YOU turned me into this...cry baby.

Ugh.

I'm done. I'm done with life. I'm done with you. I'm done with it all. Fuck it. B. is done.

* * *

"Swan bitch." Maybe if i put my head down and duck down, maybe even curl up into a ball by every ones feet buried under a pile of trigonometry book, you will turn back and not notice me.

I grumble because I only have one trig. book and it's not enough to hide myself from you. You have a huge smile on your face and your eyes are bright and ugh.

"Swan bitch!" Your smile gradually turns into a grin as you race through the crowded ass hallway to get to me.

"Calling me?" And you don't make it. Jasper reaches for you and effectively sweeps you off your feet and into the air for a moment, then catches you again. You squeal and giggle kissing his lips. Great. Now not only do I not want to see you, but I'm also disgusted.

Only you Alice. Only you.

"No, actually. I was calling your sister. But you can be a bitch to if you want." Jasper laughs and shakes his head.

"No thanks." He mumbles. He smile slowly fades as he sees but but her waves so...that's nice of him, i guess.

Jasper is pretty tall. He towers over both me and you. Last year, he was tall, puny and skinny. Now, the boy did some serious working out over the summer. Grrreat. Cause it totally helps my situation when he's even more intimidating.

"Sup." He says walking over to me. The relationship we have is strained. I don't like him and he doesn't like me. We were never particularly close and it just got worse when the whole thing with Mom and Dad happened. I took mom's side and he took Dad's. Sometimes we spent hours arguing about it. They usually ended in fist fights. Somehow I still care for him. I dunno how that logic works, but trust me, i feel horrible about hurting him.

No matter how much he 'doesn't' hit girls, he has no issue, beating the crap out of his little sister.

"Hi." I say flatly.

"Hi." You say wiggling out of Jasper to wrap your arms around me. I don't hug you back. Not really at least. One arm doesn't count as a real hug. You smile and kiss my cheek.

You do this a lot. You fight with me one night, then pretend it never happened the next night. Fuck you for it. I can't keep going on like this. I want to yell at you but how the hell am I suppose to with jasper right there?

"Babe, we have class." Jasper interrupts. I know it just because he doesn't want you around me and not because he actually gives a shit about class. "Oh, and Bella? Dad told me to tell you, don't bother coming over this weekend. He and I have plans."

I frown. I didn't really care about hanging out with Dad and I can understand that sometimes we won't be able to but when he ditches me because of Jasper...then we have a problem.

"Why? What kind of plans?"

Jasper shrugs. "Oh, you know. Guy stuff. Father Son things you wouldn't understand."

I growl. "You spend two straight weeks with him. Why did it HAVE to be on the ONE weekend where I get to see him?" He smiles, clearly happy with my anger. Asshole.

"Relax Bella. There is always next time." I clutch my fists into balls. Before I can punch the fucker, you grab my hands and rub them soothing like.

"Chill B. You can spend the weekend with me." I slump. I want to be mad, but when you give me sweet eyes like that...it's hard.

"Fine whatever." I shake you off me and grab tighter to my book bag. "We have to talk." I tell you.

You smile goes dull because you know what it's about. I shrug. "It has to happen Ali. Sorry." As for jasper. I give him my usual two finger salute which I cleverly turn into the finger and walk away.

* * *

"I don't wanna talk." You complain. "Talking is for losers. Do I look like a loser? No. I do not."

"Alice-"

"Oh come on baby. Every time you say 'We need to talk' it's never anything good. It's never ponies and rainbows and shit. It's always -insert scowl here- point finger here- you've been a bad girl Alice. Grr. Grr. Bleh. I don't wanna..." I roll my eyes. The back of you car is a good place to talk. Usual we use it for sex, but today we seriously have some shit we need to figure out.

"Alice are you finished?"

"No I am not. I mean come on. Wouldn't you much rather see my tits?" You begin to open the buttons to your blouse. I groan and look at my nails instead. I'm not going to be able to deny you if I peek at your chest so...

My nails are dirty and a bit dull. I really need to get them done, but I just don't have the money or the time. I could always just ask Rosalie, but I have a feeling she is going to be a topic_ very_ soon. You'll be upset about Rose and I'll be upset about Jasper.

"Alice, I'm serious. Come on, stop." You pout and huff out a big breathe.

"What is it?" You say much more flatly.

"Well..." I was expecting you'd actually stop and let me talk. I actually expected you'd get naked and semi-rape me so I hadn't planned for this.

Well shit.

"Well what?" You turn and raise an eyebrow at me.

"Jasper..." Queue groan.

"No. B. No. I don't want to. NO. We aren't having this conversation." I frown.

"Well we wouldn't need to be having this conversation if you'd just dump him. Dammit Al. What is there about that fucktard to love anyway?" You pout and climb into the front seat. I sigh. "I'm being serious."

"You wouldn't understand Swan bitch. He's...I dunno. Sweet." I scoff. Aren't I sweet? "B, He's kind. He makes me feel...all tingly. I like that B. It's hard to explain."

I want to scream. Don't I make you feel 'tingly' too? Aren't I sweet? Aren't I kind? "What about me? Don't I make you feel tingly?"

"It's not the same. Sorry Bella."

Silence. What the fuck am I suppose to say about that? As if Jasper wasn't already the lucky kid, now he also has you.

"I like you." I breath out. "A lot actually. I really really like you."

You shrug again and look at me through the mirror. "I like you too. Just...I like Jasper more."

"Whatever Alice."

"Please don't be mad."

"Don't tell me not to be mad bitch. I wanna punch you in the fucking face." You cringe and then turn back to glare at me.

"Hey, don't get mad at me! I was with Jasper first. You were like...a side bitch. Come on B. I thought we were friends. Don't let this ruin us." I scoff. A bit too late for that isn't it?

"Fuck it Alice. I shouldn't have told you anyway. Just have a nice happy life with him or whatever that bullshit that people say is." You give me a smug smile and roll your eyes. You stop paying attention to me and lean over to grab a couple of blunts from the glove compartment.

I kick the back of your chair out of anger. Dumb bitch. You huff and turn around to slap me in the face. I should have seen that coming. I know exactly who I'm dealing with. There was no way that was going unpunished.

"Don't you dare, Swan bitch." You point a sharp finger in my face and give me a hard stare. "Don't. You. Dare!"

I grumble as you turn back in you seat and light one. You don't offer. I don't expect you to.

You can get a bit cold when you're angry. I'm not usually that type of person. Usually I just sit quietly and let you wear yourself out, not this time. "I'll tell him." I growl. You shake your head and shrug.

"And who do you think he'll be more pissed at? Me or you? Don't answer, I'll you. Not me, Swan bitch. Definitely not me."

* * *

**And whooo. **

**yeah. **

**SO...**

**Tell me whatcha think. I hope you liked it. I'm really trying NOT to rush this story. I don't want it to feel short. I want to take my time with it. **

**So, anyways: **

**Report cards are being handed out tomorrow. **

**Let us pray: **

**Please (Who ever is up there) Let me get good grades so that my mom won't take away my computer and I may continue to update. **

**I usually get really great grades, but that doesn't stop me from getting nervous. **

**So. yeah. **

**Pray for me maybe**

**LOL **

**Till next time **

***Drives away* **


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